What is the difference between Couples Coaching and Couples Therapy?
Photo credits to cottonbro studio
Over my years of working with couples, I’ve seen so many lovely people who feel really stuck. They love each other, they have a shared life, but they keep hitting the same wall. The same argument about the washing up, the same lonely feeling on a Saturday night, the same silence in the car.
When you get to that point, you know you need help, but it can be confusing. You see people offering ‘couples coaching’ and others offering ‘couples therapy’. They sound similar, but they are actually different. Choosing the right one can be the key to getting the help you need.
To make it simple, let’s think about it like this:
Imagine your relationship is like your body’s health. A couples coach is like a personal trainer, and a couples therapist is like a doctor or a physiotherapist.
Couples Coaching: The Personal Trainer
A personal trainer is brilliant when you’re already healthy but want to get fitter, stronger, and learn new skills. You go to them to set goals and build a plan to reach them.
Couples coaching works in the same way. It’s for couples who have a solid, healthy foundation but want to make it even better. Perhaps you’re great partners, but you want to improve how you talk about money. Or maybe you want to set some exciting goals for the next five years of your life together.
A coach is future-focused. They will give you tools and 'homework' to practise new ways of communicating. They are your cheerleader, helping you and your partner work as a team to build an even happier future. It’s about taking something good and making it great.
Couples Therapy: The Doctor or Physio
Now, imagine you have a pain in your knee that just won’t go away. Every time you go for a run, it hurts. A personal trainer might tell you to push through it, but a doctor or a physio would stop and say, “Let’s find out why it hurts.” They would look at how you walk, check for old injuries, and help you heal the root cause of the pain.
This is what couples therapy does.
Therapy is for when there is a pattern of pain that keeps repeating. It’s for when you feel stuck in a loop you can’t escape. As a therapist, I help couples look at the "why". Why does a simple chat about whose turn it is to take the bins out turn into a huge row? Why does one person always shut down when things get emotional?
Science, especially attachment theory, tells us that the way we act in our adult relationships is often linked to the stories we learned about love when we were very small. In therapy, we gently look at that story. We don’t dig up the past for no reason; we do it to understand the present. We heal the old wounds so that the ‘muscle’ of your relationship can finally work properly, without pain.
The Most Important Difference: Training and Safety
Here is the most important thing to know. In the UK, the titles ‘therapist’ or ‘counsellor’ are connected to professional bodies (like the BACP or NCPS). To be a member, a therapist must have done years of training, follow a strict code of ethics, and have a licence and insurance to practise. It’s a guarantee of quality and safety.
The term ‘coach’ isn’t regulated in the same way. Anyone can set up a business and call themselves a coach. While many coaches are skilled and have good intentions, they don’t have the same depth of training required to handle deep emotional pain, past trauma, or serious conflict.
So, Which One Is Right for You?
There is no right or wrong answer, only what’s right for your relationship right now. Ask yourselves this simple question:
Are we looking for a personal trainer to help us run faster towards our future goals? (You might want a coach).
Or do we need a doctor to help us heal a pain that keeps holding us back? (You might want a therapist).
Recognising you need a hand is the bravest step of all. Whether you choose a coach or a therapist, making that choice is a sign of hope.
Wishing you the best on your journey together.
Warmly,
