Je Vous Aime; Speaking your Partner’s Love Language
You've probably heard of "love languages" before—it's that popular framework by author Gary Chapman. Basically, it says that love has different languages, and we all have a native tongue.
Imagine visiting a country where you don't speak the language. How awesome is it to finally hear someone speaking your own familiar language?! It's instant relief and connection! Or think about that moment when you finally get through to someone you really wanted to understand you. Magic! Everyone just can't help but smile. That's the kind of thing Chapman was getting at with his love languages idea.
The Five Love Languages:
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Receiving Gifts
Quality Time
Physical Touch
These five types are pretty self-explanatory. For "Receiving Gifts," it's more about the thought than the price tag. For "Quality Time," it's about being truly present and sharing an experience, not just being in the same room. Want to impress someone whose love language is "Acts of Service"? Find out what their biggest pain point is and help them out with something practical. They'll be smitten!
It is easier see how knowing your partner's love language can be a game-changer. Gary Chapman has a free quiz online – take it yourself and have your partner take it too. Then compare your results!
Misinterpretations and Misunderstandings
Not knowing your partner's love language can cause some serious misunderstandings. For example, a husband whose love language is acts of service might feel like his wife isn't doing enough to show her love. But if her love language is words of affirmation, he might feel like she's never satisfied even though he does so much around the house.
If you bring home a present for your partner from your work trip away and your partner whose love language is quality time brushes it aside, try not to take it as a rejection. They may be focused on having you all to themselves so their quality time love needs get met.
Learning to Speak Each Other's Language
It's especially important to learn to speak your partner's love language when it differs to yours. This might mean stepping outside your comfort zone or doing things that don't come naturally. But it's a way of saying, "I see you, I value you, and I want to make you feel loved." The effort is worth it because of the message it sends.
It's also important to validate your partner's experience, even if you don't agree with their interpretation. When it comes to love languages, this means acknowledging that their love language is valid, even if it's different from your own. You don't have to agree with their perspective, but you do need to respect their feelings and needs.
Why Not Try Something New?
Why not step outside your comfort zone and try expressing love in a new way? Why not challenge yourself to see the world through your partner's eyes? Why not embrace the opportunity to learn and grow together?
Relationships are a journey, not a destination. By understanding and speaking each other's love languages, you can create a deeper sense of connection, intimacy, and fulfillment in your relationship. It's about meeting each other's needs, expressing appreciation, and making a conscious effort to speak the language of love that resonates most deeply with your partner.
I have created a downloadable list of romantic suggestions for each love language type. Find one on the list that your partner would like and put your heart into pulling it off. Make sure you observe how much they appreciated your gesture so you can add it to your bank of ways to your lover’s heart.
Romantic Suggestions for Your Partner’s Love Language Type
Adiós and Au revoir!
Resources:
Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages is a New York Times Bestseller. Gary Chapman has a free quiz online – take it yourself and have your partner take it too.
