What Are Relationship Red Flags & Green Flags?

A relationship is a beautiful journey of companionship that involves two people growing together, overcoming life's challenges and basking in its joys. Every relationship goes through great patches and ones that are not so easy. Reflecting on the journey of your relationship can lead to spotting the signs of health (green flags) and indicators of threat (read flags). It is a good practice to review how things are going between the two of you periodically. We have identified some of the common red and green flags you can look out for.

Relationship Red Flags

A bit like the yellow lights on the dashboard of a car, relationship, red flags are warning signs indicating underlying issues. They should attract your attention and concern. The red flag says; “this relationship needs some TLC”. If you think that your relationship is displaying some red flags right now, don’t freak out! The good news is that this relationship is in the hands of at least one careful driver. Spotting the signs and doing the repair work is usually what is needed to improve things. 

1. Communication breakdown

The bedrock of any successful relationship is clear, empathetic, and honest communication. If you notice a constant pattern of misunderstanding, unwillingness to communicate, or harmful communication styles such as passive-aggressiveness, contempt or dismissiveness, it's a red flag. If your conflicts quickly escalate into full scale battles or you find yourself avoiding talking for days take this as a sign that careful attention is needed. We all have our bad days when we say things we don’t mean, the red flag is when the dominant pattern of communication is unhealthy or corrosive.

2. Lack of Respect

Every person deserves respect, especially from their spouse. Disrespect can manifest in various forms - belittling comments, disregard for personal boundaries, or undermining one's feelings. Chronic disrespect is not only damaging to one's self-esteem but also to the relationship. A serious red flag that should never be ignored is harm being caused by one partner to the other. If you are unsafe with your partner, take action immediately by finding help.

Emotional deadness  At times emotional distance can creep into even the best relationships. Thoughtful partners usually find a way to address the distance and learn how to take action to re-connect. Emotional deadness is a longstanding lack of affection often accompanied by hopelessness and forms of resentment. Partners who are deep into emotional deadness may describe being “only housemates''. They may reflect that “we never touch anymore” or that “the love has gone”. Seeing this as a red flag for the relationship should galvanise your resolve to deal with the underlying issues.

Relationship Green Flags

Green flags, on the other hand, represent positive aspects of a relationship that encourage its growth and longevity. Recognising these signs can reassure you that you are doing what it takes to establish healthy ways of being together.

1. Mutual Respect

In a healthy relationship, both partners value and respect each other's thoughts, feelings, and boundaries. They uplift each other and refrain from actions or words that may belittle the other.

2. Open and Honest Communication

Couples who can communicate their needs, wants, fears, and appreciation openly tend to have a healthier relationship. They also effectively resolve conflicts through respectful dialogue.

3.Shared Values

A strong alignment in core values, whether related to family, career, personal growth, or spirituality, is a green flag. While it doesn't mean you have to agree on everything, shared values provide common ground for making important life decisions.

4. Mutual Support 

Supporting each other through life's ups and downs is a key attribute of a resilient relationship. This involves not just being there in times of crises, but also in celebrating successes and sharing joys.

Recognising these red and green flags does not provide a definitive answer to whether your relationship will endure. Your relationships longevity will be decided by how you both respond to the challenges and opportunities you have. Indentifying these signs sets you on the right course to improving or maintaining the health of your connection.It's essential to remember that no relationship is perfect, but with empathy, respect, and open communication, we can turn potential deal-breakers into opportunities for growth and deepening of the bond. 

Remember, you don't have to navigate these challenges alone. Seek professional help if necessary. Naomi can provide guidance and support, helping you make the best decisions for your relationship and personal wellbeing. Book a free consultation.