Make Better Decisions, Here's How

In three weeks my family and I are relocating and starting a new adventure. We are moving for a number of reasons. A big one is for a different kind of schooling for our kids. But also the move is the result of some of the changes we've made internally. I've been thinking a lot recently about making big decisions and I've talked to some of the people I respect the most.

I came away with three principles that will always be at the heart of my decision-making process. I wanted to share them with you here so that you can also use them as you make changes and choices in your life.

Photo source: Kent on Unsplash

The three foundations for making better decisions:

Radical honesty

Firstly, my decisions must come out of radical honesty with myself. Not only saying it how it is but really delving into my feelings and desires: real-time. To be radically honest with myself, I must stop brushing things under the carpet, fobbing myself off, or minimising and avoiding. This is hard to do. A telltale sign that I am not being honest with myself is when I use the words ‘should’ or ‘ought’, or when I feel low-level unease in my body.

It’s like taking a kitchen sieve and slowly letting all my thoughts and feelings run through it. What is left is how I really feel - and I need to notice and own this. Even if it’s inconvenient. Especially if it’s inconvenient.

Take it slow, Joe!

Second, my decisions take longer these days. I need weeks or months for a proper process. Rushing reduces the quality of my decisions. The whole of life may need to slow down. I need a less-is-more kind of attitude. I may go all the way through my thought process and then run back through it again. I do this until I'm happy with my outcome. I also take the time to seek out trusted people and invite their opinions in. I refuse to be rushed by any outside circumstances. Having a good decision-making process is just too important.

Align not resign

Thirdly, I align to my list of life rules. I expect that, with big decisions, there will be complete alignment with my life values and goals. The more I live out those values, the more my ideas and interests flow from them. But before I think about the pros and cons of any decision, I know that it must support my deepest commitments to my family, my work, and my ways of being in the world. There can be no compromise with these things if I'm going to make good decisions. I must align not resign my responsibility.

Honest, slow, and aligned has become my motto for decisions. It has saved me so much grief and stress. As we make choices as a family we are teaching our kids about decisions and what matters in life. For me, the process has come to matter more than the place I end up when I've made my decision. I know I may change my mind. I may undo the big decisions I have made.

But what won't change is that, round here, we make decisions through honesty, slowing, and alignment.

I’d love to know what your process is for making decisions. Comment on what you think about honesty, slowing and alignment and how you make big decisions.